Part 2 of my current WIP

PART 2
This is the second part of the first chapter of my current WIP.

I'd appreciate any comments.

Even better constructive critism.

Best of all would be comments if you like it.

CLICK HERE FOR THE FIRST PART

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“You’ve got to be joking,” Flynn said into the phone. “What do you mean you need to see me?” He paced up and down his office and then settling by the window. He looked out and his gaze wondered along the Yarra River watching people strolling along the Southbank Promenade. He liked the view – seeing the people walking at different paces as they took in the sights, or looking for restaurants, or as they were simply in a rush to get to their next destination. His eyes wandered further up and took in the sight of the Eureka Tower and a small shiver came up his spine as he remembered what he gave up for being here, for making his life in Melbourne and for getting this job.

It was obvious he wasn’t really happy with the conversation he was having. Then he sighed. “Yes I’ll be there. And this will better be worth it.”

He walked over to the door and swung it open with such force, Ella, his secretary, almost jumped out of her chair.

“Ella, could you please reschedule the appointment tomorrow afternoon with Harry? I’ve got some private business I’ve got to attend to.”

“Not a problem, Flynn. You’ve got your hair cut tomorrow at ...”

“Shit,” he mumbled and cursed a few other words Ella was more than happy to ignore, but she glared at him for an answer. Ella had been working for Flynn McCormack for three years and couldn’t remember ever seeing him so infuriated. She didn’t know much about Flynn’s private life, apart from that the firm, McKenzies, Howard & Partners had supported him through his last year at the University in Melbourne and he had worked himself up to be a well respected business lawyer considering his young age. It was a trial scholarship similar arrangement which had worked out perfectly. McKenzies himself had met Flynn during a talk at the University and had been impressed by his questions, attitude and business thinking straight away – and his support had paid off.

 Flynn was a Tassie boy, and even with his good looks and charm he still lived a bachelor. Not because of lack of women. Ella wasn’t blind, she was aware of the female staff trying to get his attention, but he never had time for anything more than a nice conversation and polite compliments.

He exhaled and while heading back into the office he said, “I go by tonight and see whether Richard can squeeze me in.” And he slammed the door shut.

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The Self-Publishing Review: How This Is Going To Work:

 If you've self-published or vanity-published your book, and you're confident that it's good enough to compete with the books on the bookshop shelves, then send me a copy. Submission details are in the bar on the right.

I'll read it as I would anything from the slush-pile. As I'm reading I'll count the errors that I see, and once I get to fifteen errors then I'll stop reading. I'll include errors of spelling, punctuation and grammar, as well as problems with tense and point-of-view. If I don't spot many errors I'll read it for as long as it holds my attention: once my interest slips (and remember that I am known for reading the back of the milk-carton at breakfast, such is my need for reading matter), I'll persist for another couple of pages.
I'll post the title, author and sundry details of each book that is submitted to me, including the number of pages I got through before putting it aside (I hope the page-counts will end up as a league-table rather than a catalogue of shame).
If I finish your book I'll write a review of it here, and recommend it to my friends. I can't say that it'll lead to fame and fortune for any of the writers that I review: but I hope it will give some encouragement, and a reason to keep writing.